You finally get your baby to sleep and the moment you sit down, your phone lights up. It’s a text from your well-meaning mom “hoping the baby is getting enough tummy time” and an email from your friend passing along an article on the benefits of baby sign language.

If you’re like most parents, unsolicited advice and expectations from extended family and friends leaves you feeling defensive, doubtful, and frankly, kind of annoyed. You didn’t ask for parenting critiques from the peanut gallery, but putting a stop to them can feel impossible. Where do you draw the line between welcoming support and boundary violations?

Why We Need Filters for Unsought Input
New parents often feel sensitive and overburdened. Parents in general deal with the onslaught of unsolicited opinions. Violating someone’s parenting approach threatens a vulnerable new identity. And frankly, everyone has an opinion they think you need to hear. For your sanity, you need tools to filter incoming advice.

Extended friends/family should provide support only within parameters acceptable to you. You decide what topics are okay and which feel intrusive rather than supportive. Being clear protects your mental health.

Tips for Setting Loving Boundards

1. Know yourself. Which types of input do you find stressful versus helpful? Maybe discuss your child rearing approach with your best friend but not your mom.
2. Have a mantra. Tell yourself “I’m choosing what’s right for my family” when you feel self-doubt creeping in.
3. Be proactive. Say upfront “We aren’t looking for advice, just emotional support right now. But I’ll reach out down the road if needed.”
4. Limit information given. Share less details about your parenting dilemmas so you get less unsolicited input.
5. Deflect unwanted advice respectfully. “We have a system that works for us but I appreciate you thinking of me!”
6. You know what’s best for your kids. Tactfully limiting unhelpful input from others preserves that confidence in your core parenting beliefs. The village may want to weigh in, but you control just how much access they get.

You’ve got this mama!